My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
