You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When are your genitals available?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
