Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
