He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
