So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I will pee on everything he values.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
