Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
