so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
