haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
