Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do vagina's smell?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
