woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
