i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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