U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
