So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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