Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize