im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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