WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
