Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
