in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
