rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
