I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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