I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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