Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
