I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize