def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
