can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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