Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
