Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
