I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
