I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
