Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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