It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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