my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
