If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
