Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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