Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
