I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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