People in love make me want to vomit
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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