just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
