I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
