He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
