she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
