We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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