the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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