Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
