Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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