We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
