Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
