apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The uberlube is also flammable
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dicks are not precious.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize