I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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