Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
