zippers are such a cool invention
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
