I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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