if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You've changed since you got that strap on
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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