Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
