Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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