Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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