found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
