Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just threw up on my dentist
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
