no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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