Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
