Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
