I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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