Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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