I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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